More on Internet Addictions

Miss Snark also posted on Internet addictions (hers is sudoku). Sudoku was one of mine for a while, but I'm past that now.

My latest internet addiction

I have a new Internet addiction. No, it isn't videos of kinky monkey sex. It is The sentence Game . It is an online version of Eat Poop You Cat. If you aren't familiar with that, it's a party game that is a cross between pictionary and Whisper Down the Alley:

1. First player writes a sentence and passes it to the second player.
2. Second player draws a picture to represent the sentence, then folds the paper so only the picture shows and gives it to the third player.
3. The third player (without seeing the original sentence) creates a caption for the picture, folds the paper so only the caption shows and passes it to the fourth player.
4. It continues until all have played.

If I've confused you, here's a link to a completed game .

This is a fantastic way to increase creativity. I find that it makes a great warm up to my writing. I recommend it to anyone who needs to get their creative energies flowing.

What's really funny is that some of the people there think I'm a sock puppet for a troll named Jake. He is what they call a ruiner and will put up ridiculous sentences and pictures that have nothing to do with the sentence. It cracks me up that I'm accused of being this fellow, and part of me wants to encourage it, while another part just wants to see how far they go.

There is a bit of artistic snobbery. Some of the users are very talented, while the rest of us just use clip art and stick figures. What's funny is that the artists are the opposite side of the coin of the ruiners. While the ruiners divert the game from its natural flow, the artists are too good and there is no ambiguity. It's like playing charades with a mime or pictionary with a commercial artist. That isn't fun.

Using the example in the link, you'll see that someone tried to draw Cthulhu, but the next user thought it was a pac man ghost, so the story took a very silly fork.

For all my writer friends, try this! It really helps to get into the writing groove! Just be careful, or you'll spend all your writing time playing.

But be advised. The graphics can get crude and the players rude.

Happy Goats

This just cracked me up!

Happy Goats

Has it Really Been a Month?

No, it's been more than a month since I last blogged. I'm not sure why, other than I've been trying to get a short story into a contest that has a February 28 deadline. Is it done? No. But I'm off from work today because of the snow, so this is like a free day

And because I've not blogged in so long, I'll keep this short and just give you pictures.

Here is Darling Daughter tubing in our backyard.

And of course, here is Buttercup Beagle.

Now it's time for me to shovel!

Publish America Gets Stung Again!

Anyone who isn't aware, PublishAmerica runs one of the most distasteful writers' scams. If you Google PublishAmerica, you will find a multitude of former PA authors who have had their work hijacked.

What does PA do that is so bad? They are a vanity press in reverse. They print your book, but make it next to impossible to get it onto bookshelves. There is no promotion, marketing, distribution, the prices are outrageous, the editing is nonexistent, and the quality is questionable. And they publish anything.

What makes this a scam is that they claim to be a traditional publisher (a term coined by PA). I'm not going to go into all the details, you can read them at Absolute Write.

But what is funny is that, for a second time, a group of authors have put together a book so bad that it is painful to read. It is titled Crack of Death by Sharla Tan. It was accepted by PA. Done in the same vein as Atlanta Nights by Travis Tea, it was written by several different authors, who only had a brief understanding of the book and what was written before their section. They received a contract for it from PA, but decided to deny it and put it on Lulu as a fundraiser. Here is an except:

All of a sudden Garry felt really protective over this pet-eat young girl who looked like a Cindy doll except with a pear-cede lip. He had to protect her no matter what it cost.

‘Nancy’ he said. ‘You’ve got to get away from Roberto. You don’t know what you’ve got yourself into. Your in grave danger. Tell her Lav!’

‘True, t’ings rough out deh, you know, Rasta.’ said Laverne flashing his gold tooth.

‘It’s true Nancy.’ Whispered Garry with a furrowed brow.

‘Yes alright dad. Just ask me your fucking questions and let me go home damn it!’Garry turned to Laverne.

‘Lav can you get the suitcase.’Laverne left the small dark room his dread locks swinging vilently behind him.They were alone.Garry sighed and stared at Nancy tenderly. ‘

I want to help you Nancy. I’m on your side.’For a split second Nancy could see the truth in his icey pear-sing blue eyes. Garry was a good man she could tell, but how could Roberto be a lying drug barren? She’d seen the pain in his eyes when he’d talked about his sick mother. Roberto where are you?

And another:

Nancy was now pumped full of adrenaline from the exciting chase on the pear, and
so she simply flew along the road as far as the car would carry her, pressing
her dainty foot down on the gas. She remembered the beauty spot Beachy Head, the
memory shot into her thoughts.Beachy Head is the most famous part of the
Eastbourne Downland. Beachy Head and is the highest chalk sea cliff in Britain
and rises 162 metres (530 feet) above the sea below. The main reason for Beachy
Head's popularity is the wonderful panoramic view which can be seen from the
cliff top. If you look east you see the beaches and town of Eastbourne, the Pier
and the Harbour, and then on to Chesapeake Bay and Tokyo and, on an
exceptionally clear day, Kansas City, nearly 40 miles away. Looking west, you
can see even further, up to 70 miles, past Santiago to Toronto and Bangkok and
then on to Nairobi near Amsterdam in West Sussex. On a very clear day the
outline of the Statue of Livery can be seen. But its history reveals a darker
side. Since the 1600s it's been a popular location for suicide attempts.
Eastbourne Parish Register contains entries of deaths at Beachy Head dating back
to 1600 and by the middle of the 20th Century there were an average of 6-7
deaths p.a. At the tail-end of the 1990’s it had crept up to an average of 17
p.a. PA not meaning PA but Per Annum, just in case you were wondering. Between
the years 1965-1989, an in-depth study of deaths at Beachy Head was made by Dr.
John Surtees (1997 pp. 125-136) – a cumulative total of 250. His research looked
into the causes of death, injuries sustained, factors relating to the
circumstances of the deaths and the resultant verdicts. Perfect for me, Nancy
thought thinking over these statistics as she raced along the road, Garry close
on her tail, if only I can shake off that bustard.

I don't see how anyone can say that Publish America isn't really Publish Anything. They are a subsidy publisher and should be avoided. I was almost a victim, but escaped only because a writer who I'm aquainted with was published by PA. This gentleman is a terrible writer, and I knew if they published him, it had to be a scam! I did a little research and found out about it.

If you have been a victim of PA, you should visit Absolute Write's Never Ending Publish America Thread.

Polar Bear Plunge 3

This is the third year that Darling Daughter has done the polar bear plunge. Personally, I think it is insane, however cool.

The air temperature was 59 and the water was 48. A rain squall hit about 20 minutes before the plunge was scheduled, so it felt much colder. Observers and participants were both soaked.

My daughter, of course, was the last one out.

Here are the pics. The quality is poor because of the rain.

Preparing to go in. My daughter is the one on the right, the other is her sister (who doesn't live with us).



In the cold!




After, there were interviewed by the local paper.


All the craziness aside, I do think it's fairly cool for her to do the polar bear plunge every year. I'm quite proud of her.

Tags Polar Bear

Merry Merries!

My favorite Christmas Joke

This is my absolute favorite Christmas Joke. I first heard it back in the early 80's, when it was faxed from office to office (pre-email days).

December 14, 2006
My dearest darling John:
Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure.
Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.

My love always,

Agnes

December 15, 2006
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift.
They are just adorable.

All my love,

Agnes

December 16, 2006
Dear John:
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens.
They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.

All my love,

Agnes

December 17, 2006
Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough.
You are being too romantic.

Affectionately,

Agnes

December 18, 2006
Dearest John:
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.
Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,

Agnes

December 19, 2006
Dear John:
When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps.
So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them?
The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.

Cordially,

Agnes

December 20, 2006
John:
What's with you and those freaking birds??
Seven swans a swimming. What kind of fucking joke is this?
There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny.
So stop those freaking birds.

Sincerely,

Agnes

December 21, 2006
OK. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking?
It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass.

Agnes

December 22, 2006
Hey Shithead:
What are you.....some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning.
The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours !

Agnes

December 23, 2006
You rotten jerk::
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies.
They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit.
The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you !

Agnes

December 24, 2006
Listen Shithead:
What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maid and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again.
Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows.
All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

You're sworn enemy,

Agnes

December 25, 2006
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein.
The destruction, of course, was total.
All correspondence should come to our attention.
If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a restraining order prohibiting you from any contact with our client. Also, we have forwarded this to the ASPCA and PETA, who are interested in the trampling death of the 23 birds.

Cordially,

Law Offices of Dewey,.Cheetum, and Howell

Tags Christmas Jokes

Christmas Songs

There are Christmas songs that I like. There are ones that I hate. And there are ones that are annoying.

But there is only one song that I both love and hate, or course not at the same time.

I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
and presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams

Now look at those lyrics. This is not a happy song. The person singing is NOT coming home for Christmas, and depending upon your interpretation, may never come home. He is asking that the holiday traditions continue in his absense, giving him some solace in his loneliness.

It is a sad and poignant song; one that reminds that holidays are more than just days off, parties and gifts. It reminds that it is the traditions that holds families together, even when they are not geographically together.

So when this song is sung with a snappy, upbeat rhythm; when the singer is happy; when it implies that the person is actually coming home; I get torqued.

Don't these people listen to the words?

I know the answer, they don't. I also knew someone who played "When a Man Loves a Woman" at their wedding for their first dance.

No surprises here

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

And, Somehow, A Good Day

Depression is a funny thing. (see post below) My daughter told me not worry, because depression is all in my head (she was being serious). Then she said that maybe something good will happen today.

And, of course, she was correct.

I'm published.

Not how I expected, but published is published. My first submission as a free lance writer was published today in one of the local newspapers. Hopefully, this is the first of many pieces they pick up. It's not my novel nor one of my short stories, and journalism is not the same as fiction, but I'm reporting on kids' sports, and my novel is about kids' sports.

But still, it means that someone, other than my mother, likes my writing. And that is a good thing.

Bad Day

Last year I posted about December 7th.

Today would have been my 10th wedding anniversary, if in fact, my husband had lived. He died from Cancer 6 months after we were married, so I never had an anniversary.

When I read my post from last year, I realized that I was depressed and morose when I wrote that. And a little bit angry too.

This year I went through that on the anniversary of his death. Now that the wedding day has come, I feel sad, but not devastated, as I did last June.

Funny how what I expected to upset me didn't, and what I didn't expect to did.

Who Else Would I Be?

Which RENT character are you?

Of Coffee and Potatoes

Now I'm not saying that I'm not at fault. Perhaps it really is my fault, but if it is, I just don't understand. Not that this would be anything new. I went through most of my school years not getting "it". I always felt that I had missed the memo that detailed fashion, music, behavior and slang that would have kept me from being out of synch, socially, with my peers.

So maybe I missed the shopping memo too.

It started in Starbucks. Now I sincerely enjoy a good latte, and Starbucks comes pretty close, but it is just a bit too smooth and creamy for me. I've tried with skim milk, but then you lose the frothiness. I've found that extra expresso gives it the bitterness that I enjoy in my coffee, so that's what I ordered.

Me: I'd like a medium latte with an extra shot of expresso.
Counter Girl 1: It already has two shots of expresso.
Me: OK, I'd like an extra one.
Counter Girl 1: You want three shots?
Me: Yes.
Counter Girl 1: Three?
Me: Yes.
Counter Girl 1 (to Counter Girl 2, who was making the coffee drinks): Medium Latte with and extra shot of expresso.
Counter Girl 2: Three shots?
Counter Girl 1 (cocking her head at me): She wants three.
Counter Girl 2 just shakes her head.

Now perhaps I broke some coffee ordering protocol. I know some of the counter people get annoyed because I won't order using the words Tall, Grande, and Venti. Perhaps three shots of expresso in a latte is tantamount to ordering red wine with ice. I don't know.

I would have just dismissed that if I hadn't had another shopping incident. I was checking out of the grocery store and the clerk was checking out and bagging.

Clerk: Do you have anymore produce?
Me (Obviously I don't load the groceries on the conveyor belt correctly either): No, that's it.
Clerk: You don't have any potatoes.
Me: Not this week.
Clerk: You're not buying potatoes?
Me (now I'm started with feel the need to justify my purchases): I have pasta and rice.
Clerk (Quite discussed): But no potatoes!

I was about to tell her that I bought a 5 lb bag last week and still had enough left, when I realized that I didn't need to explain my choices to the check-out clerk. I smiled and paid, wondering if, once again, I'd broken some sort of shopping rule.

If anyone has those lost memos, please send me a copy.

latte
potatoes
Starbucks

One more Thanksgiving Post

On black friday, darling daughter and her dearest sister went shopping. One of the items they bought was a gingerbread house kit.

This is what they got:






They were quite proud.

another silly quiz (I love these things!)

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Thanksgiving Day Nor'easter

Anyone who lives on the east coast is aware of the Nor'easter that blew through. Here in Pennsy, we had some hellacious rain, but that was all.

However, at my sister's house, in Ocean City, NJ, there was some serious flooding. By Thanksgiving, the storm had passed, but the flooding (always the fun part of nor'easters) was still there, as indicated in these pics:
This is outside my sister's house. You'll notice that in the center of the street, there is a higher area.
The water in the foreground of the pic is the ocean; the water on the far side is the bay.
This is not the first time that I've seen this; however, Darling Daughter and her Dearest Sister had never seen flooding like this. I had to tell them that this isn't bad, I can remember taking a row boat down these streets.

And people ask me why I left the shore.




Tags: Thanksgiving
Tags: nor'+easterTags: family
Tags:


Ocean City, NJ

Happy Thanksgiving

In the interest of fairness, here is the opposing point of view:

Heard of Deer?

Lou: Look at that bunch of deer in the yard.
Bud: It's a herd of deer.
Lou: What?
Bud: Herd of deer.
Lou: Of course I heard of deer, we got a bunch in the back yard.










How many deer does it take to make a herd? I have four who have decided that my backyard is a great place to graze. I wanted to post a picture of them, but that is problematic, as I have to take the picture first, and the deer are, apparently, camera shy.

I've lived here a year, and although I've seen bunnies, and squirrels, and chipmonks, and possibly a bear, but I never saw any deer.

Then last week, I saw one. Actually, my dog saw it first. She got into a "pointer pose" which is odd for a beagle. Then she took a step and pointed with the other foot, the entire time glancing at me as if I should do something about the deer.

The deer looked at the dog as if to say, "What do you think you are doing? I'm bigger than you!" Then the deer took off up the ridge. Buttercup looked at me, and said "No, that's too big for you." She seemed to understand.

Then two days ago, we saw four deer. They were eating my compost (I had just made chicken soup and the compost pile was full of vegtible ends). Buttercup was very upset, but not enough to give chase. Perhaps she realizes that, while technically she is a gun dog, she is only supposed to chase smaller prey animals. I tried to get my camera, but they were back into the trees before I could get a pic.

I've been seeding the compost with veggies, hoping the deer come back. All the land around me is posted "No Hunting", so they are safe here. I'm hoping they are here when we have snowfall.

Deer in the snow. Now that would be a picture worth taking.

Tags: deer
Tags: beagle

Wow

I haven't blogged in a long time! Unfortunately, blogging is low on my priority list, and recently I had a high priority item occupying my time.

I finished my book and set it off to an agent who wanted a full.

In reality, it didn't happen like that. I met an agent at a writer's con and for reasons that still bewilder me, instead of pitching one of the 4 manuscripts I have completed, I pitched an unfinished one.

Of course she requested the full manuscript, so I had to finish the sucker and get it to her. Now I'm waiting impatiently for her response.

It is tentatively titled: Best Friends 4 NEver. It's a children's chapter book, geared to the 9-11 girls/early reader market. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and trying not to get too excited about this, but that's hard.

So I'm just waiting.

Tags: Writing
Tags: publishing