Morons with Signs

I haven't blogged about the Tea Bag party, mostly because it is too easy to mock them. The name alone makes me giggle. Tea Baggers. Particularly since they seem to be conservative Republican who, I believe, would find tea bagging abhorrent. Yeah, I know you've heard all the jokes before, which is why I've avoided them.

But now I understand how these people could have taken such a ridiculous name. From Morons with Signs I found this woman. I guess she doesn't like her medicare. Maybe she thinks that if they cut off medicare, there will be fewer people at the Senior Center on bingo night.

No "Pubic" Option? Oh, I have to object to that one. I like the pubic option.

Here is another one who doesn't like the pubic option. I think the pubic option leads to children.

But would someone please explain to the Granny in the picture below what tea bagging means, and that most Christians would consider the act described on her sign to be blasphemous. Besides that, it looks like she is soliciting. I know that it is hard to talk to your grandmother about sex, but we've got to stop these women from walking the streets like this!

Lil' Cthulhu

With thanks to Et in acaedia blog. where I found this.

So cute, yet so wrong!

You Know You are Getting Old When.....

No this isn't one of those list-jokes.

Well, yesterday I sat down to lunch and plopped my purse on the table. A co-worker looked into my purse and said, "Hey, is that hand cream?" and reached for something deep inside my shoulder bag. What she had spotted was, in fact, my reading glasses' case.

But still, I looked with fear at what else she might pull out.

Back in my twenties, I would have worried that the item she pulled out would be some sort of birth control.

But, I'm in my 40's. It wasn't condoms I was worried about this time. I was worried it would be my hemorrhoid cream.

I'm officially old.

My latest internet addiction

I have a new Internet addiction. No, it isn't videos of kinky monkey sex. It is The sentence Game . It is an online version of Eat Poop You Cat. If you aren't familiar with that, it's a party game that is a cross between pictionary and Whisper Down the Alley:

1. First player writes a sentence and passes it to the second player.
2. Second player draws a picture to represent the sentence, then folds the paper so only the picture shows and gives it to the third player.
3. The third player (without seeing the original sentence) creates a caption for the picture, folds the paper so only the caption shows and passes it to the fourth player.
4. It continues until all have played.

If I've confused you, here's a link to a completed game .

This is a fantastic way to increase creativity. I find that it makes a great warm up to my writing. I recommend it to anyone who needs to get their creative energies flowing.

What's really funny is that some of the people there think I'm a sock puppet for a troll named Jake. He is what they call a ruiner and will put up ridiculous sentences and pictures that have nothing to do with the sentence. It cracks me up that I'm accused of being this fellow, and part of me wants to encourage it, while another part just wants to see how far they go.

There is a bit of artistic snobbery. Some of the users are very talented, while the rest of us just use clip art and stick figures. What's funny is that the artists are the opposite side of the coin of the ruiners. While the ruiners divert the game from its natural flow, the artists are too good and there is no ambiguity. It's like playing charades with a mime or pictionary with a commercial artist. That isn't fun.

Using the example in the link, you'll see that someone tried to draw Cthulhu, but the next user thought it was a pac man ghost, so the story took a very silly fork.

For all my writer friends, try this! It really helps to get into the writing groove! Just be careful, or you'll spend all your writing time playing.

But be advised. The graphics can get crude and the players rude.

Happy Goats

This just cracked me up!

Happy Goats

My favorite Christmas Joke

This is my absolute favorite Christmas Joke. I first heard it back in the early 80's, when it was faxed from office to office (pre-email days).

December 14, 2006
My dearest darling John:
Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure.
Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.

My love always,

Agnes

December 15, 2006
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift.
They are just adorable.

All my love,

Agnes

December 16, 2006
Dear John:
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens.
They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.

All my love,

Agnes

December 17, 2006
Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough.
You are being too romantic.

Affectionately,

Agnes

December 18, 2006
Dearest John:
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.
Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,

Agnes

December 19, 2006
Dear John:
When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps.
So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them?
The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.

Cordially,

Agnes

December 20, 2006
John:
What's with you and those freaking birds??
Seven swans a swimming. What kind of fucking joke is this?
There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny.
So stop those freaking birds.

Sincerely,

Agnes

December 21, 2006
OK. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking?
It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass.

Agnes

December 22, 2006
Hey Shithead:
What are you.....some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning.
The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours !

Agnes

December 23, 2006
You rotten jerk::
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies.
They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit.
The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you !

Agnes

December 24, 2006
Listen Shithead:
What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maid and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again.
Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows.
All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

You're sworn enemy,

Agnes

December 25, 2006
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein.
The destruction, of course, was total.
All correspondence should come to our attention.
If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a restraining order prohibiting you from any contact with our client. Also, we have forwarded this to the ASPCA and PETA, who are interested in the trampling death of the 23 birds.

Cordially,

Law Offices of Dewey,.Cheetum, and Howell

Tags Christmas Jokes

Christmas Songs

There are Christmas songs that I like. There are ones that I hate. And there are ones that are annoying.

But there is only one song that I both love and hate, or course not at the same time.

I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
and presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams

Now look at those lyrics. This is not a happy song. The person singing is NOT coming home for Christmas, and depending upon your interpretation, may never come home. He is asking that the holiday traditions continue in his absense, giving him some solace in his loneliness.

It is a sad and poignant song; one that reminds that holidays are more than just days off, parties and gifts. It reminds that it is the traditions that holds families together, even when they are not geographically together.

So when this song is sung with a snappy, upbeat rhythm; when the singer is happy; when it implies that the person is actually coming home; I get torqued.

Don't these people listen to the words?

I know the answer, they don't. I also knew someone who played "When a Man Loves a Woman" at their wedding for their first dance.

No surprises here

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

Happy Thanksgiving

In the interest of fairness, here is the opposing point of view: